Ever notice how it's the little things in life that amuse us so much? More to the point, ever notice how it's the silly little idiocies in life that amuse us more than anything else? Well, this is not as much ''the little blog that could'' as it is ''the blog that enjoys going up the down escalator in your local mall.'' Will it have anything of real importance? No, probably not. But enjoy the ride never the less!

 

For my five hundredth bit of nowhere, I wanted to do something epic. I wanted to do something memorable. I wanted the people who read this blog (or at least check it on a semi-regular basis to see if I've actually updated it) to stand up and cheer for the mind-blowingly brilliant insights I would share with the world at large.

Then I stumbled across this article, and once I finished laughing figured it would much more suit the mood of this blog:

Drunk 'Darth Vader' punished for Jedi attack

LONDON (AFP) - A booze-fuelled Briton pretending to be Star Wars villain Darth Vader was punished Tuesday for a bizarre surprise attack on two Jedi fanatics. Arwel Wynne Hughes, 27 -- who has a chronic alcohol problem -- donned a black bin bag for a cape and used a metal crutch for a lightsabre when he impersonated the Dark Lord of the Sith on March 25.

He then lept over the wall of a "Jedi Church" where Barney Jones and his cousin Michael were duelling with lightsabres while filming a documentary. The fans of the Star Wars films established the "church" last year in Holyhead, northwest Wales. Hughes hollered "Darth Vader" as he swung his crutch about, whacking Barney Jones over the head with it and punching Michael Jones in the thigh.

The Jedi are guardians of peace and justice, and the force was with them at Holyhead Magistrates' Court as district judge Andrew Shaw punished "Darth Vader" with a two-month suspended jail sentence and a 100-pound (195-dollar, 126-euro) fine.

Hughes got off lightly compared to the film version of Vader -- who had a hand chopped off by his son Luke Skywalker and was finished off by bolts of Force lightning from the evil Emperor Palpatine. Hughes, who has previous convictions for assault, had drunk the best part of a 10-litre box of wine and could not remember the attack, his lawyer Frances Jones told the court.

...so does this mean Vader was an atheist?

For references, you can find the article here:
http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/afp/080513/oddities/britain_court_offbeat_entertainment_film_starwars

Labels: the kingdom of heaven given any thought have you

posted by Phillip at 9:18 PM

 

In one week, many of us will be falling upon Anime North's resident hotels (if we haven't already assembled) like a mad horde of dingoes in search of a baby to eat. Though instead of babies (sweet succulent babies!), Harvey's would like to interest you in something a little less Soilent Greeny. You'd think they'd have learned from last year...

Guess whose chain is offering free original burgers once again on the Sunday of the convention? And for those of you unaware of the geographical layout, guess whose burger joint is located right between the convention centre and hotel? Yeah, if I'm there at Harvey's for anything on Sunday, it'll be to get a picture of the skein of hungry otaku with no money left coiled around it.

But with a week to go, the only real thoughts reverberating through my head are: "It's just a week left?" as well as the almost-as-important "should that leftover pizza be crawling across the carpet like that?"

Of course...with a week to go before the Con starts, I've already blown half my swag money. On manga.

No, I'm serious.

Two big titles I've been gunning for at AN08 for months now have been the Ouran Host Club and Fullmetal Alchemist series. Half my swag money was already devoted to collecting those volumes. Imagine my surprise to discover that the Chapters stores around here are throwing a sale on all Viz manga: 20% off the price, plus an additional 10% off with the iRewards card (which we have).

It's strange, in a way: I would have saved more money on any other day had I purchased the titles via the Dealer's Room instead of Chapters, but all of a sudden Chapters has saved me more money than both the Dealer's Room and usual-day-Chapters. And I'm happy.

Of course, in the process I also broke 2 of the Chapters' sales tills. Not physically, though. Come on, most of you have seen how scrawny my arms are. I'd need some serious momentum behind me to dent a till. But apparently buying 22 volumes of manga with additional promo discounts on top of the cost, and all in one shot, has the inborn ability to destroy Chapters' computers within seconds.

I know I seem to have issues with technology. Mel's car doesn't like me, and reminds me of this almost daily by frakking with the auto-locks whenever I try to get in or out. Our DVD player doesn't seem to accept half the functions I push on our remote control...though of course when Mel tries the same thing seconds later, it all goes through perfectly. And our Net connection enjoys either suddenly slowing down or crashing altogether on a regular basis whenever I sit down and push any random key on the keyboard.

I've accepted that I might as well be a Good Omens character with the way technology seems to malfunction at my fingertips. This time, however, technology malfunctioned without me even touching the machine. Apparently I've mutated and have now become an airborne pathogen. I don't really know if I should be flattered or chagrined over this fact.

You may decide for yourselves.

Today's Lesson: apparently, in Grand Theft Auto 4, airplanes are 100% explosion-proof. The flaming SWAT vans you drive underneath one to avoid the other SWAT vans who don't seem to like you driving down the runways are not.

Labels: airborne anti-technological pathogens, I really should be reading manga instead of typing in witty tags, return of the suicidal Harvey's employees

posted by Phillip at 8:29 PM

 

Labels: lolpants

posted by Phillip at 4:26 PM

 


Sometimes memories are built upon the strangest of things. I imagine more commonly we base them on events or out-of-the-ordinary sights. Yesterday left its indelible mark on me solely by smell.

Naturally, the day before Mother's Day is filled with people scrambling last-minute to buy some token of affection for their moms. (The cynic in me wonders how poorly they show their moms they care the other 364 days in the year, but then again I generally tend to be anti-sentimental on these auspicious days. But I'll be the first to endorse my favourite candidate for a new designated holiday: I Sat Next To You on The Bus Day.) Much to my surprise, however, the mall was quieter than it's been in years past.

Huzzah for sunshiney days, I guess?

Anyhoo, our store has its benefits and drawbacks in being located right next to the Bay. No, scratch that: our store has its drawback in being located right next to the Bay's perfume section. The day before Mother's Day, all I could smell for 3 hours straight was the pungent scent of...probably half their perfume section, in all honesty. I swear, guys must have been getting into waterfights with each other over the spray samplers. It was near-lethal to even venture up to the front of the store and into the mall corridor.

Thankfully the madness subsided by the afternoon...only to replaced by a newer, more maddening smell: meat.

(I heard that snicker.)

A vendor's stand selling smoked meat & sausage has set up shop for the last couple of days in our wing...and the scent of all that meat is driving me nuts. (Short trip, I know, but humour me.) Frankly, I'm amazed that I've resisted their siren's song and not bought anything. So much smoked meat & summer sausage, so little money...



...dammit, and now I need to raid the fridge.

Labels: meat over matter

posted by Phillip at 8:26 AM